The Ultimate Gift

This year I have been convinced more than ever that nothing will fill the void in my soul like Jesus.

Most Christmas seasons I am shyly thankful for what Jesus did for me.

This season is different for me and it is because of nothing I have done.

I know that it is because of the love of my Father, I have been given a deeper desire to share the light of Jesus with others.

He has shown me his faithfulness time and time again. He has showed up even when I keep abandoning Him.

“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for all– how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” –Romans 8:32

I have read this verse a few dozen times in my Christian walk but today it has penetrated my soul.

How can we be depressed, hopeless, angry, or bitter with this hope in front of us?

He gave us the most precious possession: His son.

I am not a parent but I cannot imagine loving someone so much that I allowed my only Son to suffer and be put to death for someone else’s crime.

That speaks volumes of how much God loves us!

The holiday season can be a difficult time for many people. It reminds us of what we don’t have, the pain of the past, and all our lost dreams.

It can often elevate our greedy hearts.

I was in the mall a few days ago and saw so many impatient, and angry people. It broke my heart seeing everyone so stressed out. We have come so far from what this holiday symbolizes.

What if instead of stressing out about what gifts we still need to wrap, or what is on our to-do list, we were to celebrate with our families the gift of Jesus?

What if we actually cared less about how many gifts we gave people and more about how many people we shared Jesus with?

There are hopeless people all around us who need the ultimate gift right now.

It is actually the coolest gift ever: it can’t be taken away from you and it lasts forever! 

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be a called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” — Isaiah 9:6

No matter what we are enduring today the Lord is our hope and we can celebrate knowing that He gives us all we need!

He is our peace, He is our healer, He is our provider, and He desires to gives us the greatest gifts.

Why settle on the fleeting gifts of this earth when we could have the ultimate gift of God’s love that fills the void in our soul?

I pray that on this Christmas Eve we will go to sleep with thankful hearts and awake with a deeper revelation of what God has done for us!

Merry Christmas,



What do you fear? Go for that!


At the beginning of a new year I love to reflect on the past year and celebrate all that the Lord has done.

Then, I love to make new goals for the following year. If I have goals from the previous year that I didn’t accomplish, I always move them down to the new year.

I used to beat myself up for all the things I didn’t accomplish.

Then I realized that it’s about celebrating the breakthroughs. 

Some goals may take more than a year to achieve.

I take seriously what goals I write down.

My believe is you have to write down the goals you are most afraid of.

If I am feeling fear, that is my clue that I am making the right goals.

This may be a fear of what others may think or it may be fear of failure. But I whole heartedly believe we are meant to do the things we are most afraid of.

The more I face my fears the more I realize that fear has a lot in  common with what I really desire.

Fear wants to keep us from our full potential.

It keeps us from full freedom to be ourselves.

So here are my goals that I am so deeply afraid of utterly failing at.

Here are the goals that I so deeply desire to attain.

Goals for 2017

My goal this year is to be more thankful.

My goal is to throw less pity parties.

My goal is to love myself a little more.

My goal is to write more.

My goal is to be more vulnerable with my family.

My goal is to stay open and fight against those walls I so easily put up.

My goal is to stay more present and trust the process.

My goal is to find healthier comforts.

My goal is to figure out grace a little more.


What do you fear?

Go for that! 




Where Are You Now?

Where are you now?

When i’m in the midst of trouble.

Where are you now?

When I’m feeling all alone.

Where are you now?

When I can’t seem to find my way

Where are you now?

Where are you now?

You say you are in the midst of my pain.

But Where are you now?

You say there’s nothing you won’t do for me.

But where are you now?

You say you are always there

always watching over me

But where are you now?

Where are you now?

I can’t seem to find you in all of my darkness

I can’t seem to push passed this feeling

that I’m too much for you to handle.

I don’t feel you, hear you, or even feel loved by you.

I know i’ve left you so many times that you may

be finally done with me.

It seems everyone i’ve ever cared about has always left and gone

Never turning back to see what was wrong

They always looked toward themselves and their own dreams

leaving me to suffer on the floor with my wounds and broken bones

You may have never cared for me, hell maybe i never cared for you

But one thing I’m damn sure of is that I can’t ever let go

You are a part of me, part of my soul

You created me, you breathed me my breath and sang me into existence

I try to run, try to hide but somehow i always end up crying out to you on the inside

I shout out, “You don’t exist!” but believing in you more then ever

believing you are powerful and your truth will set me free

I don’t have it all figured out and can’t answer half of the worlds questions

But I choose you and I will always choose you.

Through suffering you are my strength

Through temptation you are my refuge

Through loneliness you are my comfort

Through abandonment you are my Abba.

To Bravely Suffer


I am currently reading C.S Lewis’s book “A Grief Observed.” If you haven’t read it I strongly recommend it. (Thank you Jessica Longley for the recommendation).

Lewis wrote this book right after his wife died. He married at a late age and then it was quickly taken from him. In his confusion and agony, he bravely writes a beautiful raw account of suffering.

It is so much easier for us to write after we have come through something. A testimony of our triumph.

However, C.S Lewis has inspired me to write in the midst of my suffering.

The process is significant and the testimony of pain and struggle is beautiful.

My hopes for this blog is and always will be to connect with humanity and to remind us all, we’re not alone.

Daily I grow more obsessed with figuring out the human design God has created.

Why did He create us with so many emotions, desires, and ability to deeply think?

I was in the middle of another book (also recommended by Jess Longley; go to her if you need good books! SERIOUSLY) that I rented from the library when it expired. Now franticly waiting back in line to re-check it out. Talk about agony.

In this book the author, Brene Brown goes through a slow motion process  of falling and picking yourself back up.She challenges us to be curious about our emotions during difficult situations. To press into the hurt, shame, embarrassment, rejection,  and question what we are feeling and why.

 I have not read this whole book yet but as of now I believe it is revolutionary to healthy human relationships and strongly urge everyone to read it.

Side Note Warning: If you decide to take this journey you will not be able to turn back nor will you ever be the same again.

I have been practicing the process of pressing into my emotions daily and it is straight up HARD.

Whether we are aware or not we experience so many emotions on a daily basis, good and bad.

To press into every time you are hurt in some way big or small, is very exhausting.

We are often taught to bottle our emotions and forget them, later causing greater despair in ourselves and relationships.

When you rebel against this norm you  enter into a great struggle of the human nature. When you press into those raw emotions so fresh it feels as if they are overcoming your whole existence.

But you are fully living by choosing to press into the pain that you so deeply want to avoid.

It is a whirl-wind of emotions and sometimes can take the breath out of you.

You  begin to question all you know and can become overwhelmed by irrational thoughts.

You want to flee and run and never experience this much agony again.

So why would we want to willingly choose to enter into such suffering?

This might lead us to questioning the thoughts we are so comfortable believing.

It might lead us to discover we were wrong about someone or something.

It might lead us to question the believes that define who we are.

But if we press into those questions, be curious about our emotions. Is it possible we might just become more free?

Why am I feeling this way?

Am I hurt? angry? confused? doubting? 

Am I feeling rejected? 

Am I believing a lie? 

Could we possibly come to a conclusion that is the cause of our pain?

Could we have a healthier self-awareness and a healthier relationship to those around us if we pushed through the fear of actually suffering?

I am convinced if we expose our emotions instead of burying them deep we can enter into an unimaginable life God created for us.

The process is going to hurt I can promise that.

But would we be less scared of the pain if we were certain that it could eventually lead us to freedom?

I don’t have all of the answers, if any, but I do know I can see the hope in this journey.

I am beginning to see the Promise more clearly than ever.


The Worst Thing a Person Can Do is Kill You


It is a scary thing when it comes to fallen man. When you place your trust so deeply into a person. It is messy. It is hurtful. It is beautiful.

To expose oneself’s heart completely to another is the bravest thing we can do in my opinion.

What is so scary about it? This is the question I have been asking myself lately.

My answer is this.

They may fail you. 

They may leave you. 

They may not be what you expected.

You may not be what they hoped for.

Recently entering into a relationship I have learned so much about what is deeply rooted in my heart. I’ve learned that I am selfish, I am proud and I am stubborn.

I am still learning this thing called grace.

As a woman you have so many ideas of what a relationship should be like. You have so many expectations.

When those expectations are not met it hurts badly. You feel embarrassed, unwanted and stupid for having such unrealistic desires.

Don’t get me wrong. Desires are good. They are acceptable.

However, we must be honest with ourselves of what is realistic and fair to expect of someone. Where is this desire motivated from?

Revelation is the key to overcoming this expectation.

Revelation of what you should expect and what you shouldn’t. What is reality and what isn’t. What is your responsibility and what is the person you are in a relationship’s responsibility.

Sometimes our emotions can become a roller coaster that we can’t control. When we allow our emotions to chose our actions.

Have you seen the movie, “Inside Out?” it depicts it perfectly.

Sometimes you are enraged when an expectation is depleted.

We may not be reacting to what the person actually did but an old wound that is surfacing that we never addressed.

To answer the responsibility question it comes down to this:

Only you can own your emotions. You cannot expect anyone else to fix how you are feeling. Especially if you don’t tell them what you are feeling.

That brings me to the other big thing I am learning: Communication.

Man is that hard! 

To tell someone exactly how you feel and even when it may hurt them.

So why is placing our trust in someone so great? Why do we put our hearts in such jeopardy?

If we have this possibility of getting deeply hurt.

Because that’s what it’s all about right? To love and to be loved.

Because it might just work out.

And if it doesn’t… where do we put our hope?

For me I have a Hope that is greater than the emotional “woe is me” ledge I often want to jump off.

God created us to love one another. I am learning that it is a difficult command. It is important for us to know it is impossible without Him.